Slither, Slither, Come Hither
by aandromeda
Summary: The Genesis ship. seemed normal, until the random illness and deaths started. Kakashi must embark on an investigation with the one woman he was trying to avoid.. Sakura Haruno. As Victim numbers climb,he may need a few cold showers to focus.Lemon. Mature.
1. 1:In the Beginning

_Slither, Slither, Come Hither_

Chapter One.

In the beginning.

AUTHORS NOTE: Yo! Here's a little something info on this story. There will be some slight crossover in maybe the ninth chapter, although I don't think of it as enough to call the entire story a crossover. There's some slight OC, and _blah, blah, blah_.. I like putting in little hints about myself through my writing. If you read mismatched perfect, Kakashi said he likes pistachios. This probably isn't true, but I'm nuts over them.

… Pun not intended?

I'm also bible-believing, born again Baptist, though formerly atheist, so I think it's pretty neat to put in little religious things in my story, although some of it goes against what I believe. In example: man is supposed to have dominion over the earth. Yeah, well, I'm a hypocrite(this story thoroughly proves that ;) ), as most Christians are, and that makes God look bad. But I am more knowledgeable than the average Christian, and that sucks because most people think of God as this cruel dude who wants people to suffer(which is completely untrue, I think mankind is pretty ungrateful. I mean honestly, God himself comes down from his throne, lives a shitty life, then dies for you and you think he's out to get you? Get real man. ). I only read the King James bible, because I believe it's perfect. The newer versions have faults in it, and it's been proven. The Bible itself said it would be edited seven times when it was finished, not eight, nine, or fifteen times.

Rant, rant.

Now read.

When coming back from _Hermes Base_, a ship called _Genesis_ starts getting some spooky but none too threatening mishaps. Shikamaru starts coming down with some frightening but none too threatening hallucinations, while the loading dock has an extra crate of... snakes? Despite supposedly being a bad omen, they were thought to have been extinct as well.

Being the smartest person aboard, Shikamaru is the lead private investigator and strategist for the _Genesis_, though no one believes his taunting chants of the "spy aboard" and "Gang member". Although Kakashi can't shake the feeling that his insanity has him onto something..

The silver haired man then proposes Captain Tsunade to organize an investigation team to look into the issue, but unfortunately finds himself paired with the one woman he was trying to avoid... Sakura Haruno.. As the victim numbers begin to gradually climb, they both must embark on an awkward start towards the culprit, with the aides of Hinata Hyuuga and Kiba Inuzuka. Who could have possibly caused the illness, injuries and the deaths? They are to look among their friends for their foe.. Although Kakashi may need several cold showers just to keep his focus on the target.

"You guys think you can handle it?"

"Of course, Captain. We have never disappointed you before on other missions, right?"

"Yeah, well since Ibiki managed to get the day off along with his crew, Shikimaru is the only one who knows the layout of this place. You are to follow him when you get all the goods."

"Geez, you make us look like we're a bunch of kids. Ease up la-"

"Who do you think you are? Get your dumb asses out of my sight before I crush in your skull!"

"Yes ma'am!"

Monday.

The _Genesis_ was coming to a stop with a powerful hum, getting closer to the floor of docking station of _Hermes Base_. This wasn't the first time Sakura had been to this place. It was relatively large to be on such a small moon, taking up nearly a fourth of the surface of its moon. Tsunade liked this base, mainly because it didn't ask any questions. And it had full access to the stock market of the _Andromeda Super System_. While the Captain of the _Genesis_ was no good with short term gambling, long term was something she had a knack for. Especially when she had Shikimaru as her aid.

Despite the smell of powerful oils from the older space rigs in the docking station, Sakura really enjoyed _Hermes Base_ once the crew got past the landing platform. It came with fresh produce, cool weapons and ship upgrades, different little steam-punk gadgets, and a mall. Man, did she love the mall of that place. It took nearly four days to get around the area when she first tried. While her best friend Ino was off buying different kinds of spaytex(space laytex, meant for easier space travel), Sakura was ogling all the different kinds of aliens she found there. Now, she had seen many variations of aliens before, but she almost never got to see any that were new. Usually it was Sasuke and Itachi who were the ones who got to meet all the ones no one else got to see, being the leading two in foreign languages and ancient dialects. They were also the best at dissecting new languages and understanding even the seemingly mutest ways of communication.

It was almost natural how large the base is. Like an entire city even, if it weren't for its single purpose: delivery, delivery, delivery. It delivered everything. People, pets, livestock, black market merchandise, ship parts, workers, intelligence uploads, the newspaper, mail ordered-dresses, mail-ordered brides, mail-ordered grooms, you name it, they had it within the week. It used to be longer, until the improved P.O.W.s came out. It stands for Portals on Wheels. The _Genesis_ crew finally managed to get their hands on a few, after a few months of relentlessly harassing Tsunade. And it was paying off.

_Hhhhmummummmm…. F'shhhhh…._

The artificial, female intercom voice came to life as the _Genesis_ made its landing.

"We have landed at Hermes Base. Your spaytex will be adjusting itself to meet the gravitational pull you are most accustomed to feeling. Increased spaytex artificial body weight: Four point three five five percent. You have four hours to complete your task. Have a nice day."

Shikamaru stretched with a yawn leaving his gaping mouth and some wake-up tears brimming on the sides of his eyes. His sagging frown told everyone he wasn't in a good mood. He was leading the crew consisting of Itachi, Kakashi, Asuma, Hinata, Sakura, and Temari. He usually brought Temari with him regardless of what task he was performing. They bickered allot, but they liked it.

Asuma eyed his former student. "You slept the entire way while we were discussing where to pick up the cargo? Seems like you."

"Don't get your panties in a bunch Asuma. I already memorized the layout and pick-up location a week before you guys knew." He rubbed his eyes." Damn Ibiki. Why did his birthday have to be on today of all days? How troublesome."

"Hey, quit your griping. You didn't have to agree to this," Temari snapped.

"Yeah, but if I didn't, someone else like Ibiki might have screwed over the stock market with his puny brain and interrogated you to death. Now we wouldn't want that now would we?" Temari rolled her eyes while Asuma chuckled in the background, his cigarette smoke coming out in quick puffs.

"Sakura. Hinata." The two women perked their heads up, "You chicks can go to the mall until we need you both, and do.. girly things. God knows what. I'll warp you when I need you guys." Both of the women smiled at each other.

"Kakashi, Itachi, Asuma."Kakashi looked up from his… romance novel." You three are going to speak to the delivery men, accountants and whatever and discuss Tsunades trades and re-establish some basic licensing for some of the upgrades, weaponry, livestock and other produce. You're to also get four b-rank and ten a-rank entertainment crates. And remember to get the old hags rare import wine. Temari and I are going to the stock market in the rotunda. Wish us luck. Meet up back here in three hours and thirty minutes for preparations. That goes for you Kakashi." The silver haired man raised his hand in acknowledgement. He didn't want to be here any more than Shikamaru did. Ibiki and his friends were usually the ones who did these missions, but they were predictably excused from this task to join Ibiki in his very loud parties, probably involving a drunken Anko. Despite being one of the most terrifying men aboard, he sure knew what he wanted. But no, Kakashi wasn't going to be relaxing today. Not with _her_ around. The pink haired woman that teased him, even when she wasn't in the same room. He felt himself grow with discomfort with each passing second, and longer he went, the more it seemed to suffocate him with an inexistent humidity. It was like being trapped in a sauna when he was around her.

The three groups exited from the large ship and clicked their heels three times. Their personal P.O.W.s were called _Dorothy's_, mainly meant to get you where you were going, in short leaps, ranging from several feet, to maybe thirty miles. You just needed to know where you were headed. All activated at few clicks of the heel.

Sakura inhaled the different spices and flavors coming from the food court, with Hinata by her side, doing the same.

Exhale.. The two looked at each other for a relaxed moment, and giggled. The Hyuuga heiress never thought she would have ever gotten so close to such a fiery woman. She was the only other woman she felt she could be herself with sometimes. Sakura was glad she could be trusted with her feelings, feeling very privileged that she would open up to her other than her former team mates, Shino and Kiba, a few men. Hinata needed a girl to be herself around.

"Hey Sakura, what do you feel we should do first? I've been saving up for some time, and I heard there were some new boots in, and well, I was wondering if you could help me pick out some." She blushed ever so slightly, and Sakura immediately noticed.

"Hey if you want something that will impress _him_, "Sakura winked, agitating Hinatas blush," I would try wearing some with a little heel, but not a wedge. And suede. He likes soft looking women. Not the sheer, sleek, tough looking chicks." Hinata stroked her long hair self-consciously, knowing her black lacquered hair was a bit on the shiny side.

"Hinata, that doesn't mean your hair. Your hair is beautiful! I wish mine were like it sometimes," she cooed. Sakura watched as the heiress' long hair as it slinked around her body, framing her delicately pale complexion, complete with smiling, pale pink lips and an airbrushed flush of the cheeks. "See?" Sakura held out a mirror to prove her point, "You're very pretty. I'm very sure he thinks so too."

"Yeah. I'd just like for him to ask me out one day," she said with a longing look in her eyes. She knew she would never lose her feelings for the blonde boy, and she didn't care to want them gone either. They gave her a sense of self purpose, and encouragement. Sakura tugged at her dark violet sleeve to her thin turtle-neck shirt, and hooked her arm in hers.

"He will, just you wait. He just needs a good chance to get to know you. Heck, you already have nearly half the male population of humans on our ship ogling your Spacebook. He has to be one of them, don't you think?"Sakura chuckled," Or maybe he's intimidated by you? Haha! That boy being scared of cute, little Hinata? That's like playing ding-dong-ditch with Kakashi. He never answers his door, so what's there to be scared of?"

Hinata could feel her friend struggling to contain her hysterical sniggers, shaking uncontrollably with her stifled sobs of laughter. It was pushing the jet haired princess over the bubbling edge too, being so sensitive to contagious giggling.

Hinata was known for being respected, but feared? Hinata felt her knees give in as she tried not to double over into her loud cackling laughs, but her will was only so strong. Sakura couldn't let up any more now that Hinata had given up so easily on keeping quiet. The entire mall was being filled with shrieks, squeals, and guffaws as both women lay crying and breathless from the mere thought of Hinata being intimidating. Hinata thought she should have been offended, but couldn't bring herself to care too much, being toppled over and such.

Sakura, being the first to recover, staggered and pulled her friend up from the steely floor with a few sighs, wiping away the stray tears on her face. Hinata looked at her with a dazed and worn smile on her face, hair in her eyes and tiny tears brimming from the edges of her lashes. Sakura rested her hand on her shoulder, gave the black haired beauty one good look in the eye, and proceeded let out another nasal, belly laugh, with Hinata tumbling in after her. At this rate, they won't even make it to the store they needed to get to.

When they finally finished, the pink haired woman began to think about her old teacher. Sakura never understood why Kakashi never answered his door when she knocked. He opened the door for his other friends, but he deliberately shut her away. She joked about him with Hinata before, but it still hurt. It made her want to quit trying to get close to people anymore, especially men. She felt as if they were emotionally handicapped most of the time, although Kakashi had been there for her before he started locking her out his home.

Sakura sighed. Why would he want to keep her away anyways? She didn't do anything to him..

Kakashi sighed. He hated leaving the ship. It made him anxious. Or so he told himself. In truth he got a little paranoid when he left Sakura on her own, but he always tried to watch her from a distance, trying to keep it as impersonal as possible despite how his body ached for more contact. But now, he couldn't see her, and it honestly drove him crazy. He remembered her encounter with Sasuke, and felt his blood rush in panic and rage at the memory. Kakashi shook his head, trying to rid the past from his head. _Damn memories_. Allot of what once was tended to haunt him.

Itachi was off getting the dolly to load the crates while he and Asuma were sitting on a bench in the gargantuan post office. They watched families, soloists, and small armies march back and forth, carrying what they needed, where they needed it. Kakashi liked the watching the _Arloelei,_ as most pronounced it. They had pink-ish orange skin that had the texture of scales, and purple veins that were attractive, unlike like how human veins could be. They were very effeminate and often had peach or blue colored hair. With the deepest dark violet eyes you would ever see. It was an old legend that they were the ones who designed the Andromeda galaxy, but most with enough sense knew it wasn't true. They had slinky waists, and very human like bodies, aside from lower legs, which seemed to have the similar features of horse joints, giving them this natural, high heeled gait with swaying hips. Kakashi didn't find them necessarily sexually attractive, but they were definitely known for their beauty and naturally flirtatious nature. Allot of human-kind called them the original mermaid. They reminded him of Sakura. He stared at the one before him. The one that caught his eye had a hot pink hair that faded into purple, with green eye shadow with green metal bangles. It was wearing short-shorts and a very thin white tee-shirt. Sakura's hair was a pale pink.

Despite how provocative their body language and dress seemed to be, they were surprisingly innocent. Genma loved that. He took advantage of many of them because of their naturally curious nature with the other species. Kakashi wanted to punch him in the mouth for all the times he had done it, but held back. The silver haired man wasn't sure whether it was because of who the aliens reminded him of, or because… Well he didn't really have any other reason, despite how many times he's tried to come up with one, just so he could explain himself without lying if it ever did come to the point where he launched his fist in his friends face.

After a few moments of staring at the alien, it caught his gaze. Kakashi just continued to stare at the magnificent creature, gradually looking into its eyes with a sigh. It's unusually long lashes batted against one another, with pouting, pale pink lips facing his direction.

He felt his mind fog at the color.

_.. Pink._

"Kakashi, quit that. You know how creeped out I get when I catch you staring at those things. I'm all for interracial marriage, but a whole 'nother species is a whole 'nother story man. "He sucked his cigarette, "I don't want you winding up like Genma; screwing everything with a sway in its step." Kakashi rubbed his face through his black spayex mask and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to bring himself back to... earth?

"Yeah I know. They just remind me of someone I knew once."

Asuma paused and chewed the cancer stick in his mouth. "And who would that be?"

"I don't want to talk about it." He looked over to the gradually increasing sound of the humming of the dolly. "Itachi's back. Lets head over to the base storage."

"Aye, aye."

As Kakashi and Itachi sat on the dolly, Asuma steered it in the direction of the _Hermes Base Storage Facility_. Itachi, who was naturally a quiet person, though not shy, slept on the large, hard surface of the machine, lulling himself into unconsciousness with the vibration of its whirring engine.

Kakashi, not wanting to have the same fate as the man next to him, pulled out his book for a little reading, knowing they had about twenty minutes before they reached their next destination.

"_Adachi."_

"_Yes?"_

_The woman before him paused with a glimmer of hope and curiosity in her eyes, hoping her teacher would ask her to make her feel like what she was. His young face and wizened mind bored into her soul, and she could feel it with each flutter of her heart beat. It saddened her. The man she wanted wouldn't be hers, denying them both what they both desired and ached for._

_His exasperated lungs let out a sigh, "Why do you taunt me so..?" He was looking at her. So innocent. So pure. Something about that drew him to her, like a moth to a flame, deliberately scorching itself on unknowing embers. Her body made his muscles tense and her mind told him to relax, and it fucked with him every day. He did his best to ignore her, despite the kicked puppy look she gave him. He watched her grow, and a part of him told him it was wrong to feel the way he felt for a woman like her._

"_What do you mean? I haven't done a thing to you, "she cried, her brows furrowing in misunderstanding._

"_What I mean.. What I mean is that.. I. I-"_

"_Please just say it! I'm tired of you doing this to me every day! First you want me and next thing I know you're trying to push me off like I have a disease! I can't take it anymore. I wouldn't be angry if you just told me. Please. Just please tell me." _

_She was so close to crying, with little tears irritating her eyes and her nose starting to swell in emotion. She wasn't a pretty crier, but it let you know she was real._

"_Adachi. I. I fear that I have gotten too attached to you. I tried not to because it's wrong for a person like me to have feelings like that towards a student."_

_He sighed. "And when you innocently bend over just to pick up a pencil without bending your knees, it drives me insane, or when you wear your old spaytex that's two sizes too small when you run out of your other ones ." He shut his eyes tight, trying to banish the image from his head, "You're killing me."_

_She felt her skin heat at his words, her face reddening. He looked at her thinking, 'great, now I've mortified her.'_

"_S-Sensei." Her voice had smooth and had a delicious texture that he was far too familiar with. That huskiness; the vibrating voice of an aroused woman._

"_Please, please Adachi, don't talk that way around me. I can't control myself around you."_

"_Don't."_

"_I'm trying but you ke-"_

"_No," she paused. "Don't."_

_He now clearly understood what she meant. He felt his cock twitch under his garments at her words. How did she do this to him? Better yet, how could she? He groaned at the fingers that grazed the bulge tenting his drawstring sweats. Thin and delicate, with pink painted finger nails, applyin-_

Kakashi's eyes got wide as he coughed at the word _pink,_ trying to distract himself to get the image of Sakura out of his head. He looked at his multi-tasking watch, hoping the wait would be over soon.

_Damn_, he thought, _Only five minutes have passed?_

He sighed. It was going to be a long day.

Temari watched Shikamaru command the floor of the stock market rotunda. He seemed to be enjoying himself. He was doing a pretty good job. He was perched on a higher chair watching all of the different screens fly by, listing different companies, investments, produce, and etcetera. The man straightened his spiking ponytail, and proceeded to let his ambidextrous hands poke and prod at different 3-D numbers, selections, amounts and what not. The blonde Temari, next to him, wondered what else his hands were capable of handling, smirking at the thought. He was currently logging into the _Genesis_ account, owned by Tsunade, setting up different options, likings, weighing pros, cons and etcetera. Things she didn't like to pay attention to.

While he was off doing that, she decided to stroll around the surprisingly crowded room. It was loud and thrumming. She honestly didn't think there would be so many people here today, and to be so busy at that. There were different aliens, but nothing she hadn't seen before. The woman decided to spare the chat, she knowing only one language anyways.

Her fishnet clad legs wandered to the back rooms, where people rested from the yelling and bright screens to drink exotic and foreign beers and wines. There were different sorts of alien there. Some covered head to toe in a downy substance, some that required machinery to survive. Temari enjoyed the delicate, paper like ones that seemed to fold with their paper thin skin. It was interesting watching their blood pulse through their bodies. Despite their fragile frames, they had a temper that got them into trouble, and they weren't exactly bright. Temari didn't like the species for their emotional qualities. She liked to hunt them as a child and use them to make giant, Asian fans with razors on the edges. Though it would be cool to use someday, they were far too delicate to bring into a combat zone. So she stuck with her antique assassination yo-yo. As corny as the yo-yo may seem at first, when combined with an automatic retracting mechanism and a few saber-blades on the edges, they were a force to be reckoned with. They could bounce off walls and curve around friendlies with the right training, and the curved blades could hook and bore into your flesh like a frantic dog digging for a bone. She fingered at the yo-yo in her pocket. Temari had a thing for antiques. They seemed to tell a story, starting from the bones of whales to the shards of flint and the kilns of fire. Sweat and blood going into something. Her and Ten-Ten usually had some good discussions on weapons, although Ten-Ten got a little too exited for her taste, so Temari usually sat on her own, enjoying her quiet admiration for the killing devices.

Her deep feminine voice struck out from the crowd, "One Andromeda Mo-Mo Daiquiri."

The bartender gave a low, long, nasal grunt in approval, reaching for the peaches with his tripod-fingered hands, clad in dry, pale and almost white, grey-blue skin, while his eyes remained unseen by his hanging brows and long black hair. How could he tell the peaches were there? He had a familiar presence about himself, although foreign and other worldly, even for an alien. She decided not to pay attention to it.

Head propped by her hand, she closed her eyes and listened to the pounding beat of the quick paced jazz, reminding her of a classic movie she saw as a child. The illuminated bar table vibrated under her elbows as her drink was being concocted by the rusty-looking industrial blender. It was rare she got to drink, but she enjoyed one every now and then none the less.

Some minutes pass. She wonders what goes into the drinks at this place. It seemed a little odd for there to be a bar at place like this. But then again, people probably needed a good wind-down after staring at screens all day.

He slammed her drink onto the table breaking her from her daydreaming.

"Would you like one fffor your man-friend?" the pale being asked her with a deep, gurgling voice that seemed to come from the pit of his stomach.

She perked up at his question after a thick swallow of the sweet drink, "Hm?"

He pointed one calloused digit towards Shikamaru. The boy with the ponytail looked racked with anxiety. He never liked staring at screens. He would much rather gaze at stars then keep track of numbers and all the big companies. Temari watched the holographic numbers hovering above his head, showing how much he had earned.

_+8,495,289.98._

Her drink spewed from her mouth. _Eight and a half million in under an hour? _Temari's mouth gaped at the sight. She hadn't noticed how the crowd had seemingly gone a little softer on the noise. She was guessing almost half of the people were staring judging from how much quieter the rotunda seemed now.

Shikamaru caught her eye-popping stare, and smirked lazily at her. She felt her insides flutter. She loved that about him. The subtle cockiness. It made her warm, and not from the alcohol. Temari smirked right back.

The pale bartender waved his tripod of a hand, catching Shikamaru's attention successfully. His large throat boomed and shook as he slowly spoke, "Thiss young man desservess a fffree drink!"

Shikamaru downloaded the information onto his multi purpose watch, then came down from his personal podium and strutted towards the back, the crowd staring at him quietly. He took his small throne next to Temari, commanding a faint air of dominance that made her legs tense around her chair. She loved it.

He eyed the alien before him, feeling a familiar tinge of disgust pass through him. There was something odd about the bartender. He couldn't tell what it was. Was it his long black hair? His pale skin? Or was it that knowing, wide grin that seemed like it could unhinge his jaw at any moment?

"You, my fffriend, get the Black Hole Ssspecial," he said through a jagged-toothed smile, revealing three twin rows of yellowish and cracking teeth. There must have been at least one hundred in his mouth. The large bartender took his three fingered hands and proceeded to mix varying spices, alcohols, and substances, shaking vigorously as he mixed the ingredients.

Placing the black mix before Shikamaru, the lazy man began to reach for his reward, only to have his hand slapped away.

"Nuuh- uh, uhh," the bartender said sluggishly, waving a single finger, "Not until I add the fffinissshing touch."

His pale, cracked fingers reached out to dust a pinch of a black, shiny, rocky-looking substance over the dark drink. Shikamaru and Temari hovered over the concoction and watched it twirl to life, spinning inside of the glass.

"You better hurry up, befffore the effffect wearsss offff," the bartender said with a mischievous grin.

"Bottoms up, hm? Very well then." Shikamaru proudly chugged the drink as fast as he could. He tasted something salty, some black cherry, and something with a flat but smooth texture against his tongue. It seemed to.. slither down his throat. He slammed his glass down on the bar, and opened his eyes wide as he let out a held breath of air, coughing lightly. Temari patted him on the back with a firm hand. "That," one good wheeze, "was interesting. Tasted nice."

"Glad to be offf ssservice."

The genius of a man left a tip on the table, and gave an effortless salute to the bartender, not really comfortable in the aliens' presence anymore. Grabbing Temari's arm, he dragged her off through the crowd.

"You notice anything about that guy?"

Temari looked at him bewildered,"You honestly- ung- honestly think I'm going to talk to you while you're dragging me throughout this crowd?"

He pulled her close to him, one hand between her shoulder blades, another on her butt, copping a feel of her ass. _Firm_, he thought with a smirk daring to show on his face, but he decided not to risk it with a wild woman like her. Shikamaru clicked his heels three times, and there they were, at the post office.

Kakashi tried to forget everything. But there didn't seem to be anything to forget. The man just wanted something new to focus on.

He listened to Itachi ramble on in a series of whistles and guttural sounds that sounded like a low, open mouthed cat growl. Kakashi knew of this species. Despite their quick speed and aerodynamic bodies, their language was something else. They were lucky if they ran into a retarded one. At least those ones were easier to communicate with. The normal ones took hours to understand even when being an experienced interpreter. Kakashi had tried once, being quite the interpreter himself, but decided he wasn't much for the job when he met one of the aliens Itachi was conversing with.

Nearly thirty minutes pass, and Itachi finally gets shown the papers in need of signatures.

"Asuma, you're second in command on this mission, come sign this."

The grizzly man came down from his perch at the steering wheel of the dolly, and proceeded to walk towards postman. The alien held out the clipboard, in silent request for the signature. Asuma held the base of the board, pulled out his pen and signed the form.

"Alright gang, let's get these things onto the dolly and get the hell outta here. Itachi!"

"Sir?"

"Expand the dolly's surface to about three times. Kakashi."

"Yo."

"Help me find these damn crates. You have better eyes- I mean you have a better eye than I do. If you would uncover your other one we might ev-"

"You _know_ why I don't use this eye that often," Kakashi growled.

Asuma frowned slightly, a bit bewildered. "Ya, but geez, just tryin' to have a little talk with my old pal. Didn't mean to offend, sheesh." The word sheesh was his way of saying sorry. Kakashi knew he really meant it but Asuma didn't let it show. It was still appreciated though.

"Oh, alright. Wouldn't want to be late now, would we?"

"Shut up, hypocrite."

"So rude."

Itachi pressed some of the buttons on the dolly, making its base expand three times its original size. They approached the large door to the storage room, resembling a giant garage.

The huge room was illuminated by pale fluorescent lights, giving the whole place an eerie glow, making everything sickly and pale. The crates went on for miles, layered on top of each other going up maybe thirty stories, marked with foreign numbers and language characters. Itachi hopped off the dolly and approached the podium, and punched in the numbers of their shipment, then had Asuma pressed his hand on the screen for verification. An artificial voice squeaked from the side speakers of the glowing podium.

"Right this way please!" it said in its overly enthusiastic English voice.

"Looks like you won't need my help looking for the crates, Asuma." The gruff man smirked and rolled his eyes at Kakashi.

"Yeah, yeah. Just another lazy day for you, huh?"

"Hm."

They followed the illuminated arrows on the floor leading them to where they needed to be. Even with the quiet hum of the dolly, the place was dreadfully silent. It unnerved Kakashi.

After about ten minutes of travel, they finally arrived to their destination. Itachi read the crates in another language, saying _Package to be delivered by (on earth, it would be a Monday) to Genesis. Captain: Tsunade. ID: 65369FKO. Bulk._ The Uchiha scratched the back of his head, ruffling his long black hair, trapped in a low pony-tail, wondering how Asuma was going to get the crates loaded onto the dolly.

"Hey Asuma."

"Yeah, Itachi?"

"Your turn."

Asuma paused, taking one last drag from his second cigarette today. He plucked it from his mouth and crushed it under his left combat boot. "Yeah I guess so. Kakashi, go tell the screen at the end of the row we're ready. It'll lift up our crates high enough to let the dolly pick them up." He paused in thought. "Tell it to up it about five feet." Kakashi nodded and walked off reluctantly to the edge of the row.

Kakashi felt awkward around machines that had automated voices. Sometimes they asked him how his day was, or how his wife was, which made his discomfort climb fourfold, especially since he didn't have a wife to begin with. The man just didn't like the idea of trying to talk to something with a fake personality. What was it going to care, right? He wasn't even much for sharing his personal life with anyone. He didn't have much to say anyways.

As the crates were lifted, the dolly automatically locked itself under them, easing them just a centimeter above it. Once the dolly was just perfectly positioned, Kakashi commanded the crates to drop with a loud _CRACK_ snapping through the air as they smacked onto the hard surface of the big metal transport.

Kakashi strolled back over to his comrades with a vague blush on his cheeks that caught Asuma's eye.

"What's up with the face, Kakashi?"

"It... Asked me how my penis was."

Sakura checked her watched. One hour has passed. Two more to go until she was needed.

She tucked a pink lock of hair behind her ear and looked at Hinata as she picked through the dresses on the rack.

_Rack._

Sakura thought Hinata was very… Voluptuous. She had large breasts, wide hips, and a nice butt. The pink haired woman had a chest, but it didn't command half the male human population like her raven haired friend. Hers were small though firm, and they did show, but Sakura didn't think they her half as impressive as Hinatas. Sakura stood up and walked over to a mirror and shifted her hips to look at her ass from an angle. Strong thighs, tone butt, and a tone back. She knew for a fact that Hinata had just the smallest bit of cellulite on her ass, but that never stopped the men from staring.

With an exasperated sigh, she watched the black haired princess flip through clothes. Sakura had gotten used to Hinata buying things for her. Being the Hyuuga Heiress came with its perks. It was like she had endless money. She didn't feel guilty like she was taking advantage of her wealth anymore, not that she cared that much for clothes anyways. She would much rather just walk in spaytex with a baggy tee-shirt than re-arrange and mix and match.

_BEEP! _Her watch was going off. It was Shikamaru.

"Sakura! We're finished early. The stock market was just too easy. Lame... I'll give you guys another thirty minutes, which should be enough time for Asuma and his gang to meet up back at the landing deck. See ya."

The magenta haired woman sucked in her breath and looked at her friend, who was looking back at her with an understanding look. "You heard?"

Hinata nodded, "Mmhm."

"Alright."She smiled," Now let's find you those boots."

The thirty minutes passed quickly. Everyone who wasn't already at the dock was warped to the ships' cargo deposit.

Now, despite Sakuras small frame, she wasn't Tsunades' apprentice for nothing. She had been trained to effectively manipulate her energy into strength, making her one of the most useful aboard when needed for some serious heavy lifting. Normally she wasn't needed for such a basic task, usually working in the ships hospital, but she felt like getting a little free air and some much needed space from the confines of the oversized ship. Her ability for pick up several seventy- pound crates would have these missions going fluidly every time they had to load up the cargo. That was often the slow part of these missions, because most people were only able to lift one; two if the person was big enough. But no, Sakura could lift maybe ten at a time easily. One handed.

She made her way out from the ships cargo deposit to get her thirteenth round of ten crates. She guessed she had to make about seventy trips in total, if she continued to carry ten at a time. Sakura really wanted to impress her old teacher, Kakashi, though his back was unfortunately turned toward her as he read his annoying porn book. The petite, pink haired woman rolled her jade eyes at the man. She wouldn't have minded a few years ago, when she was nineteen maybe, but now when he had pushed her away like this, she wasn't planning on paying him any respect until he would at least acknowledge her presence first. But that was just what she told herself.

Ten minutes passed. All of the crates were loaded. Wiping her brow and bearing a toothy grin, Sakura gave herself a silent self congratulation on her work.

Kakashi kept down a threatening groan as he eyed his former pink haired student. Her aching muscles were tense under her dark green spaytex, the light highlighting the appetizing, hard curves of her body as her back was turned towards him. His jaw unconsciously dropped in his mask at the sight. It took him a minute to catch himself. Gritting his teeth, he grew disgusted with himself.

_She was your student. Get over yourself. You're only going to make it harder, _he told himself.

_Wait,_ he thought, _not that kind of harder. _He cursed himself for his thoughts. Rubbing his forehead, he sighed, wondering when the torture would stop. Looking up, he asked God to make his death quick and painless, so he wouldn't have to exert himself just to control his body around this woman. _Damn Spaytex. Damn it to Hell._

Shikamaru stood up, "Alright, hurry your asses into the ship, I'm getting creeped out by this place."

Following their team leaders orders, they hurried their asses into the ship. Shikamaru being the last to get on board, looked over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't followed.

"Shikamaru?"

He looked over his bold blond woman, who wore a face of worry. Taking in a slow breath, he asked, "Yeah?"

"Are you okay? You've been acting strange since we left the bar."

"I'm positive, but I can't shake the feeling that we're being watched," he told her in serious tone.

The leader looked at her furrowing expression.

"Look, I'm sure we'll be fine as soon as we just get out of here."

Kakashi could sense the presence he was talking about, and his gut told him it wasn't planning on leaving. Though just in case he was wrong, he decided not to voice his hunch.

As soon as everyone was back on board, they bid each other a farewell and clicked their _Dorothys_, for a quick trip home.

Shikamaru was still uneasy. He walked into his house and started the coffee, something he felt that let him keep his focus. While waiting, he drilled his fingers on the large window of his living-room. Outside of it was the dingy, pale yellow concrete of the landing platform of _Hermes Base_. There were some jets, some personal ships, some solo surfers, and even some like the _Genesis_, the sky cities. The sky cities were the rare sorts. It was hard finding inhabitable planets nowadays, which was the main purpose for most of these ships. They were usually meant for colonization. The purpose of _Genesis _was to find Paradise, but that was something that wouldn't happen in anyone's lifetime as it seemed.

The coffee machine beeped, signaling his drink was ready. Grabbing a plain white mug from the shelf, he poured himself a glass, adding some creamer and milk, and then mixing in a few spoons of sugar. He inhaled the warm drinks aroma. Bringing the cup to his mouth, he let the bitter but silky liquid glide down his throat. He knit his eyebrows in slight confusion, tasting a familiar, copper taste. Taking another swig from his mug, the coppery taste came back stronger than before, disgusting and thick.

He closed his eyes at the grotesque taste, and spat the drink all over the pale linoleum floor of his kitchen, then wiping his mouth on a black sleeved arm.

Slamming the mug on the counter, he rested his hands on his knees, trying to breathe and let his saliva dissipate the taste from his mouth and onto the floor. With a few blinks, he opened his eyes to the mess he had made. Blood was now drenching the floor.

Little black chunks of either clotted blood or flesh showed through the unusually large puddle, making him gag at the sight. _Was this his blood?_ _Was.. Was that a hair?_

He eyed the long black strand of hair while trying not to inhale the clotting blood now in his sinuses and the back of his mouth, threatening to make him vomit at the putrid smell and forcefully thick, metallic air it forced into his heaving lungs.

The hair began to split into two, which turned into four, which became eight and so forth, until a black mop of blood lacquered, black hair was now in the middle of the gruesome puddle. The middle of it began to gradually rise up, revealing a pale face drenched in the red substance. He knew this person. But from _where_? His mind kept telling him_ 'Gang member_. _He's dangerous.' _

His mind was clouding, which was rare for him. He was a genius after all. That brilliant mind of his was being locked into a world of limited vocabulary, and he couldn't understand why. With extreme focus, he struggled to remember the four words, repeating them over and over again: _Gang member. He's dangerous. Gang member. He's dangerous._

The mans long, pale face grinned at him with a wide smile. Wide enough to unhinge his jaw, hair plastered to his face in blood.

Shikamaru gaped in terror, now paying attention to the single, five white forms forming under the head on the floors chin. Maggots? He watched them grow and lengthen, watching them snap and break the further they descended out of the gore. They all connected and contorted to the palm now crawling from the red pooling sludge.

Shikamaru's nose crinkled in disgust, so shocked he couldn't even bring himself to heave out his drink from earlier. The soaked hand quickly reached out and clutched his ankle in an ice-cold vice grip.

_Gang member. He's dangerous._

Shikamaru yelled, as long and as hard as his body would let him, praying and crying for rescue.

He heard the gas pressure from the front door release, and then proceeded to black out.

1-PHEW! Geez. Two days of work! :D I'm excited for this! Just so you know, I have read plenty of lemon fanfictions, and usually the more gruesome they tended to be, the more likely there would be an erm.. Rape scene. I'm not a fan of rape, so I don't plan on writing one any time soon, unless the plot is just calling for it. I think rape is very un-sexy, unless both people know they want it, which is kinda twisted, because the girl may not actually want it, and the guy will think she does, or vice versa.

NO, there will not be a Hinata/Sakura lemon in this fanfiction, as "hot" as that would be. I don't think I could write a good lesbian scene, being straight and all. Neither a gay scene. As hot as that is, I want to keep some strength in my practically inexistent boundaries.

2- Err. I like pistachios, I also like Junior mints, spandex is comfortable, and sex feels good. Look at the Kakashi/sakura art in my profile! BEST PAIRING EVER!

3- I think ugly sexy faces are hilarious. I might even post one on my profile of my own one day :D

4-Smut novels made me realize how terrible my ex-boyfriend was at sex, and why it always sucked. The more you know! * rainbow shooting star*Ain't knowledge grand? Worst four hours of my life. Asshole. YOU SHOULD NOT EVEN BE PROUD. His girth and stamina did him little justice to how terrible he made it. Talk about aggravating. The guy made me feel like a thirty year old housewife. U-G-H.

5-DO NOT BRAG ABOUT THE SIZE OF YOUR PENIS IF YOU CAN'T EVEN USE IT. IT'S VERY ANNOYING. I never loved you :D and you know you didn't either. Why were we even together? The sex was terrible anyways.

6-No, I don't think my ex will be reading this, I just think it's hilarious how bad he was and find myself thinking about his performance allot. Virgins who haven't been with anyone else shouldn't be able to differentiate what bad sex is from good sex yet.

7-*Face-palm* Guys should read more smut than watch porn, so they will actually know what women want. I'm tempted to give this advice to my ex.

8-All done :D n_n! Review pretty, pretty please? Don't flame me for the rant about my ex please. I couldn't help myself. C:

9- Procrastinators unite!

10-… Tomorrow!


	2. 2:Snakes on a Ship

Slither, Slither, Come Hither.

Chapter Two

Snakes on a Ship

WOOP WOOP! Top authors note c: Mwahahaha! I shall keep you from reading the second chapter just yet!

Okay, remember how I said there was gonna be some crossover? Well, there will be hints of it before the ninth chapter, but until then, it won't fully reveal itself. Just saying, again, wanted better inform you about the mix ;D. It will be in dedication to my friend leenzee(you don't know her) although I'm not so sure how comfortable she is with that e_e especially with there being quite the… love scene in said chap. But her name won't be leenzee. That won't be revealed until she debuts ;B

Ahem. There. I have guaranteed lemon.

I hate saunas.

OH and also, nothing like automatic "clothing-putter-onners" or "personal hair scrubbers" or any other useless invention has been invented in this fiction. That's just damn lazy. Unless you're a paraplegic. Or paralyzed. There is, however, automatic dish washers*cries* it's so beautiful.. F- those dishes. I HATE doing the dished. They're all gross and nasty.

… I like violins. And my lady lumps.

Let me sing for you!

"I've been feeling fiiine,(yeah)

Trying to hold back this feeling, for soooo loooong."

Lets begin! Second chapter, away!

Rated M for: Sexical situations ;B, Gore, Language.. Drug use? Naah, not drug use.

_Inhale._

Cool, crisp.

_Exhale. _

Warm, wet.

The masked man breathed through the black cotton clothing his face, the moistness of his breath tickling his open mouth. She was smiling. He missed that smile. The one that would give her laugh lines when she grew old. The one that was formerly directed towards him.

Sakura looked at him with her powerful eyes. There could have been another dimension in them with how deep they were. A foreign, dangerous place you could get lost in and never find your way out. Beautiful.

She had stopped smiling after a moment of realization. With shy steps, she started walk to over to Kakashi, and as she did the back of her head started caving in and disappearing, disappearing with every step.

He looked at her in question as she wrapped her arms around him. "What's wrong with your head?"

She looked at him with a sad smile, with salty tears stinging her eyes. "Don't you know? I don't know you anymore."

His heart ached. Reaching up, he placed a hand on her cheek to rub away the droplet threatening to stain her face. But when he touched the tear, her face grew still.

"Sakura," he soothed.

No answer. He rubbed away the tear, but found himself startled to see her face crack under his touch. He looked at his fingertips. It was an orange sand. He tried to put it back, to fix her face, but the more tried, the more she crumbled.

"Sakura, no! No!" He panicked. "Sakura please, not like this!"

"You're losing me, sensei."

He watched small chunks of dirt release from her face as he tried to hold the sand to her head, trying to pour it back into her face. It was only making it worse. His blood was racing, fear and worry ruling him in the moment. His large hands were shaking, not knowing what to do, and his voice box rattled through his yells and groans in terror and disbelief.

Then he woke up.

Did he scream himself awake?

Kakashi was freezing. He had kicked off his covers in his sleep and had a sweat chilling his entire body as the air conditioner hummed next to him. He rubbed his hands together, almost expecting to feel sand. Grabbing the covers with sweat enveloped palms, he pulled them over his cold body. Everything except for his butt and thighs were freezing. He contemplated wearing a shirt and pants to bed rather than just boxers, though he doubted he would do anything about it.

Turning into the fetal position under the gradually warming blankets, he looked out the window. Stars, moons, nebulas. Despite how pretty it was, Kakashi found space to be a bit on the frightening side. He didn't believe space was meant to be explored, seeing it was already so empty and most of it was uninhabitable.

The anxiety from his dream made his heart pound quick but weak, and chilled his eyes. He needed more sleep. Drifting into unconsciousness, Kakashi made it into a dreamless sleep with little difficulty.

_Beep, beep, beep, beep!_

Tuesday.

She stretched lazily, the aching muscles in her arm contracting and expanding as she tried to wake up with her alarm going off. That wasn't the only thing that was sore this morning.

Sakura reached up to grope her pained breast. A groan fell from her throat. This was just what she needed. A twelve hour shift at the hospital feeling like _this_. This was going to be a long day.

Her delicate, pale hands scratched at her pink, bed head while she staggered half-awake to the kitchen. Then she proceeded to mix a bowl of Rice Munchies and milk. As she ate, she turned on the television, and watched the early morning cartoons. It was something about a cat chasing a mouse, with grainy looking animation.

She crunched and swallowed the cereal until it was gone, and placed the dishes in the washer, letting the machine clean it as she prepared for her shower.

With legs on autopilot, she dragged herself into the bathroom and ran the hot water for a shower, and turned on the ventilation so she wouldn't be trapped in her own personal sauna. She despised saunas. She only had to be inside once to know she would never visit one again.

The warm water awoke her but didn't startle her, and Sakura appreciated that. She looked up at the shower head with her emerald eyes as it sprayed her tender chest, enjoying the soothing feeling.

As soon as she lathered, shaved, exfoliated, and rinsed, Sakura wrapped her pink hair in a white towel and covered her body with another, and proceeded back to her room.

Leaving the bedroom door open, she dropped the towel hooked under her arm pit to put on her garments. She liked that she didn't have to wear her spaytex jumpsuits on board. They got itchy and clung to your skin, and the ship provided enough artificial gravity to do what you would normally do, well, normally.

One set of her favorite, pink, whale-tail shaped underwear with little white frills, an extra comfort bra for her sore breasts, and a small sized set of pale pink scrubs. Grabbing a hair tie, she fashioned her shoulder length hair into a tight bun, wincing at the tightness. Sakura threw on her lab coat and ruby colored stethoscope.

She grabbed her red hand bag, stuffed it with files, and made her start towards her job as Chief of Medicine.

Genma hopped out of the hospital on his crutches, after trying a nearly impossible karma sutra pose on some of the local tail. He was hoping to get another meeting with Shizune. Disappointed, he chewed the large sewing needle his great grandmother had used to make the same cap he wore every day. He saw a flash of pink before him.

"Hey," he called sluggishly, "you seen Shizune?"

Sakura eyed him, wondering how he could have managed to get those crutches. "No, I just got here," she stated, matter-of-factly.

Nodding, he limped out of the hospital and made his journey back to his apartment on the lower levels of the _Genesis. _But first, rest. He leaned against the hospital building.

Sakura shook her head, pursing her lips, slightly let down that Genma wouldn't admit to himself he held feelings for her colleague, and would rather break his leg "on accident" with a not so companioned companion.

Her heels clicked on the linoleum tiles as she made her way to the hospital entrance, eyeing the green grass at the edge of the side walk, its small pink flowers jutting from the inch-high forest.

The stale, clean smell of the hospital floored her nostrils, just as it did every day. Like generic detergents and cleaning solution. It made her appetite disappear. Maybe it was a blessing?

She walked over to the counter, dropped in the files in the basket, and began to head towards her office, until something snagged on her coat-sleeve.

"Doctor Haruno!"

She turned her wide green gaze to the woman grasping her lab-coat. She remembered her as Temari. Her sand blonde hair was fixed into four, spiking pony-tails on the back of her head."Yes, what is it?"

"When we came back from that mission, I was heading towards Shikamaru's house, but the closer I got I started hearing screams." Temari's dark teal eyes grew dark at the memory. "It was Shikamaru. He was screaming at his _coffee._"

Sakura understandingly placed a hand on her shoulder. Someone else might have thought it was a little odd to be yelling at coffee, but it was pretty normal to an M.D. .

Temari held a fierce, determined look in her eyes, though subtly frantic. "Don't worry; we'll fix him up, ," Sakura soothed.

Temari nodded in agreement.

"He's in room two-ten, Doc."

When Sakura had arrived at room two-ten, she hadn't expected this.

The mans brown hair was unkempt and his skin was oily from the anxiety, with his eyes rolling into the back of his head, desperately trying to keep himself awake.

He was also strapped to the bed.

Shizune was next to him, taking notes on her transparent tablet computer.

"What's wrong with him?"

Shizune spoke, still not looking away from her computer, "He's been hallucinating, and is desperately trying not to sleep, because he also is getting night-terrors."

Sakura rolled her eyes at Shizune, who had a tendency to get addicted to the computer. Grabbing the clear tool, she yanked it from Shizunes view in a deft motion.

"Hey!"

"Hey, nothing! That thing will ruin your eyes."

Shizune crossed her arms, and gave Sakura a doe-eyed frown.

"Gang. Gang membrane. Gang. Gang. Gang member."Shikamaru panted for a moment, trying to gather his breath and his memory," He is. He. He is. He's Dangerous."

Sakura shot a confused glance at Shizune,"How long has he been doing _that_?"

Shikamaru was now pulling at his leather arm straps, making them squeak and squelch from the stretching, shooting ferocious glares at Shizune.

"Since he got here, and it's been getting worse. We already diagnosed him, and I've already set up his surgery for two pm." She paused." Something wormed its way into his brain. We can't tell what it is but it's metallic which makes me think someone was after something, like important information. "

The pink haired M.D. looked at Shikamaru with worry," I sure hope that's not the case."

There was a thoughtful pause.

"You rotten black haired BITCH!"

Green and black eyes widened in shock.

"You cut your fucking hair! Damn transvestite FAGGOT!" His leather bounds were shrieking as they began to tear in a desperate attempt to free his arms.

Sakura held down his arms with her strength, though struggling to focus with his barraging words-

"Fuck you! You're not touching me! Get your ugly black head off this ship! Traitorous little asshole!" He spat on Shizune as she tried to sedate him," Ugly wretch! Double-crossing BASTARD!"

The needle was in.

"Whore! WHORE! Get your shit out of my arm! I should have seen it before! Who do you think you are? You'll be dead once everyone knows! Executed! All this time?" He bit down so hard, Sakura thought she heard a tooth snap," Un-FUCKING believable! How did we-! How did we-… I... we...Trust…."

Shikamaru slipped into a traumatizing, terrorizing slumber.

Ibiki started filing through the new shipment with a hangover. He was regretting not showering. His body smelled like vomit, sex and alcohol, which was surprisingly not that bad once you got used to it.

Seven hundred… and one crates? Usually Tsunade ordered by the fives, tens, and hundreds. It made for easier organizing. It was a small wood one, aside from the other large, metal ones. Wood was hard to come by. Sure the ship had its own built in forest for, but for mail companies to use it for something like delivery? That was pretty uncommon.

"Hey, Raidou, get over here! And bring a crowbar!"

Raidou jogged over to Ibiki with the crowbar, tossing it to Ibiki.

"Thanks man. Hey I don't smell too bad do I?"

Raidou came over and sniffed him and gave a low chuckle, holding his nose, "Yeah man, that's rank. Forgot to shower, didn't you?" Ibiki gave him a dead arm.

"Shut up and help me open this damn crate."

Raidou grunted at the pain,"Aye," and with that, they both grabbed the crowbar, placing it under the lid and began to pry the lid off.

Raidou was only able to use one arm, the other still "dead". The nails screeched against the wood as they were being torn from their place, and the wood of the crate creaked louder and louder until the top finally snapped off.

They peered inside the crate, as if expecting something to jump out and tear their jaws out.

Ibiki narrowed his eyes. "What are they?"

"Are they lizards?"

"Could be. But how are they moving without any legs?"

"I don't really know, but they freak the shit out of me, even for how small they are. Let's get Kabuto, he's pretty smart."

"So… you know what they are?"

The white haired boy pushed his large, circular glasses up as he observed the specimens.

"They're snakes. Not necessarily dangerous depending on what kind, though they can be." He looked at them a little more closely," These ones don't seem venomous. And they were supposedly extinct, so if they were venomous, I doubt neither nor Tsunade would have an antidote."

Raidou swallowed hard.

Kabuto smiled. "But there is no worry here. The most these are is a bad omen to the superstitious lot."

Raidou frowned slightly, "Yeah, well I still don't like them."

Chuckling, Kabuto laid his arm across Raidous shoulders, "Now, now. These are nothing. There's much worse out there. "The white haired man meant that. "This is just a fluke."

Ibiki snorted. "Raidou, go lock these thing up."

Raidou obliged, listening to Ibiki as he put the top to the crate back on, "How does a ship that's been missing for fourteen years wind up with extinct reptiles and not get noticed? Tsunade's gonna be pissed. Something like this just doesn't go missing."

Raidou clenched his teeth. Now he _really_ didn't like snakes.

_BANG! BANG BANG!_

"Captain Tsunade!"

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

"Just open the fucking door! I'm not in a good mood and I don't plan on getting it for you!" she yelled at the door.

Ibiki looked shaken as he entered. _Great,_ Tsunade thought_, if it has him all riled up, it can't be good_.

The man of a million scars gulped. Even a hard-ass like himself didn't like delivering bad news to this braud.

"WHAT?"

Shizune listened to her former bosses yelling through the door, feeling grateful she didn't have to deal with her tantrums anymore, though she did miss her sometimes.

She winced when she heard her expensive cherry-wood desk break.

"You get your ass out my office and find Shikamaru! Then you tell _his_ ass to find out who is responsible for this!"

"Yes, but before I came to work, Temari stopped by and said," he paused, trying to salivate his quickly drying mouth, "he had gotten really sick with some sort of mental illness."

"God dammit! You better go find that losers a-" she stopped as her double-doors flew open.

"Good morning captain!" Shizune laughed out nervously.

"Shizune, what the hell do you think your doing?"

Ibiki was making the cut-throat hand motions at his neck, which, in other words mean 'get out while you can/ danger/ she'll kill you/ cut it out.'

The black haired woman paused for a second to try and think out her words.

"The leading private investigator, Shikamaru Nara, has fallen ill. We will be starting his surgery in a few hours." Shizune swallowed. Hard. "He won't be able to perform his duty for several weeks."

There was a silence long enough to make Satan himself uncomfortable.

"Shizune, Ibiki."

They both flinched and replied in unison," Yes ma'am?"

"Get the _fuck _out of my office."

"Yo, Kakashi!" Genma yelled, skipping as far as he could on his crutch.

Kakashi was wearing some forest green thin fabric sweats, and a black sleeveless cotton shirt with an attached mask, which always confused Genma. Kakashi was lucky his needle-chewing friend quit caring about his mask (verbally) after the first week of knowing him, but it never failed to make his friend wonder. Normally it took longer, though Kakashi wasn't entirely sure if people questioned his purposes just because of his mask. He had quite the shell built around himself, and wasn't much for letting people past it.

"Hm? Yeah, Genma? What happened to you?"

"Never mind that, did you hear about Shikamaru?"

Kakashi paused. "No. What happened to him?"

"Looks like that genius brain of his finally got to him. The boy's cracked. He's starting to see shit."

Scratching the scar over his closed eye, Kakashi felt his uneasiness settle in. He had a tendency to itch his scar whenever he felt bothered by anything, though tried not to do it around anyone just to be polite, trying not to draw attention to his scar.

"Hey knock that off, I don't like it when you scratch your scar, means you're not feelin' too great about something. Makes me nervous."

"Yeah, I know, sorry. How's Shizune?"

Genma rolled his eyes, "Didn't see her. You haven't seen her, hm?"

"Sorry."

"Eh… I figured as much. What 'cha say I buy you a drink? You seem like you could use one. Maybe you could hit up some of the locals around here. Take your.. mind off things."

_Fuck you, Genma, that's not fair._

The Bar - 7pm.

"Hey Genma, you said he'd be here by now."

"Yeah, yeah, don't act like you don't know his knack for being late."

Asuma blew a puff of cigarette smoke in Genmas face, making him cough as the air mixed with the burning smell. "Hey man, that shit stinks, knock it off." Asuma laughed under his breath as his drinking pal and comrade gasped for air.

The Pass-out Pub was pretty relaxed for one of the more well known bars on the Genesis.

There was a dim red glow coming from some of the fungus on the ceiling, all on purpose and non-toxic of course. This place didn't really want to suffer a lawsuit.

There were dancers swaying their voluptuous asses and milk sacks on the stage in the center of the place, and some were even… excreting. It made some human men want to throw up, while the species who adored it shook with pleasure at the sight.

Disgusting.

There were some different alien minorities meeting up at the larger tables, laughing, making "spacist" jokes about their human bartender, which were pretty funny if you understood the joke.

"Sorry I'm late; I was lost on the road of life."

"Kakashi you ass-hole," Asuma grinned, "that's older than I am."

The masked man stroked his chin thoughtfully and looked up in question, "Hmm, I wouldn't count on it."

"Yeah well, you better quit coming up with sorry-assed excuses as to why you're late all the time. Kurenai usually needs me with the baby and all, so you should be damn grateful," he said with serious, though slightly teasing voice.

"Speaking of companions, Kakashi, I heard you were hitting it up with Anko," he winked.

"Everyone is hitting it up with Anko, Genma."

"Shut up."

There was an awkward silence.

"…So then? Who is she?"

Kakashi raised a brow in question, pretending he wasn't paying attention, "Who's who now?"

"You know, your lady-friend. The one you've been seeing every night?"Genma smirked, as Asuma ordered a beer, chewing his cigarette.

Genma continued, "You had to give in some time you know? How do you even keep your sanity?" He chuckled, "Don't tell me you've resorted to knuckle children."

Asumas drink sprayed from three separate holes; a mouth and two nostrils. The bartender rolled his eyes, noticing the mess. He walked over and angrily smacked a pile of napkins as loudly as possible on the green neon bar table, showing Asuma just how he felt. Well, it was certainly the most intimidating stack of napkins the gruff had ever seen.

Kakashi was uncomfortably silent. He didn't like talking about his ways of achieving "self gratification". Hell, he didn't even like bragging about his "conquests," as Genma liked to call it. Sure, the women he had been with came around for seconds, but he didn't like giving it to them. It wasn't the same. He was terrified of growing attached and didn't want to disappoint them by breaking their hearts, though that often didn't go as planned. It turned out the quiet man did have quite the admirers, but he would never sleep with them. They were more in love with his mask and mysterious nature than himself, so he just didn't bother with it.

"Every man does it."

Genma gave Kakashi an "are you serious?" look.

"C'mon man, you've gotta admit, there's nothing like a night of good, passionate, sweaty companionship," Genmas deep voice chirped. "So just tell me, who is she?"

" I would rather n-"

"No, no, no. Spill."

Kakashi sighed. He knew Genma wasn't going to like his answer. "Tayuya."

As if on cue, the needle chewing man was silent. Too silent. Asuma was too.

About eight seconds pass.

"_That_ bitch?"

Genma looked at him like he was insane.

Kakashi said nothing.

"What the hell man? She's about the most messed up girl I have ever met! Yeah, she's got cool red hair and a nice body, but honestly, how do you live after a night with her?"

He pinched his brow, "Well, could you have just imagined what she would have done if I said no?"

Asuma let out full bellied guffaw, "Oh man, Kakashi that really sucks! And a mouth as filthy as hers? I don't think any man would want her going down on them with it. You must have been scared for your life." He smacked his tan forehead. " How did you even manage to get it up?"

The silver haired mans eyes snapped open in bewilderment, "Excuse me?" He coughed, trying to distract his memory at the cause of Tayuyas yells in the night. Honestly, he couldn't give himself the credit, not while his hard-on was someone else's doing. Someone with hair a much lighter shade of red.

"Yes, please Kakashi, do tell."

This was going to be the first of many regretful nights. He could feel it.

Scratching his silver hair, tousling it, he gave his answer.

Kakashis' face turned into a dangerous scowl, and his voice became very serious. "You are going to swear on you life you will not tell anyone, or anything. You will not write it in your diaries, nor your journals. You will not post it on your Spacebook, and you will not tell your lovers. Not a soul. Not a rock. Nothing."

Genma and Asuma leaned in close to their friend and swore their silent oath.

3:30 am. Wednesday.

Temari watched Shikamaru. He was in a drug induced coma, so he probably had no idea she was there. She felt lucky they saved the hair on his scalp. She would have missed pulling on his pony-tail.

A sigh left her chest. Tired. It was late. It was too late to be up at this hour. It was by sheer luck she had the day off tomorrow from her antiquing shop with her obnoxious brother, Kankurou. He had a habit for collecting puppets for the store. They honestly creeped her out. Those puppets seemed more like torture devices rather than.. puppets.

Her dark teal eyes grew heavy as she let out a very unwomanly yawn, "You better have your lazy ass out of bed soon. Or else."

Temari then joined him in a much needed sleep.

4:25 am

Sakura woke up to her phone going off.

The ringtone was set to some dirty song by Mickey Avalon since she never expected him to call anyways.

Pawing at the noise, she groggily felt herself grow more awake as the raunchy song drummed into her ears.

"Hello? Who is this?" she knew who it was, but wanted to give the impression she no longer had his number in her phone.

"H-Heeeyy, Sakura. You know who this is"

"Is this Kakashi?"

He was yelling to his friends in the background, "Hahaha! You hear that guys? She's play-playing dumb!" She heard Genma and Asuma breathlessly laughing, probably drunk too. "Sakur-Sakura, now I know you have a dirty song as a ringtone for me in your phone," he sniggered, "but that's okay, because I- ffffsh- I like it! You're a good girl. A really good girl. And don't even think about fl-flirting with that blandy Hayate, you-you're too good for that sickly wim-wimp."

"Kakashi what do you want?" she asked him, agitated and mostly asleep.

"Now, now, don't taki- take that tone with me young woman. You should know by now exactly what I want," he paused, laughing hysterically, spiking Sakuras interest in her conversation, "I mean it's plain-ly obvious. Ha ha. Or oblivious. You were my smarte-best pupil."

She rubbed her aching eyes, "Get to the point Kakashi, I don't have all night."

"Corrrection. You don't have all _morning_."

"Hurry the hell up!"

"Sheesh, fiiine, miss priss, I guess I wont tell youu," he paused for effect, "my _big secret_."

"It's big all-right! Wooweee! "Genma called from the background, still breathless from his earlier guffaws.

"Hey ma-man, I got this, just keep it quiet, a-alright?" he sighed, "I really must apologize for my friend, he's a tad drink. I mean he's a trunk dad."

Sakura rubbed her temples as she tried to keep her temper in check,"It's fine, just please, get to the point already."

"Okays. S-Sssakura, you see, it's a very normal feel- you know, warm things. Ha-hot th-"

"Okay idiot, give-give me that phone before you say something st-stupid to the lady" Asuma scolded drunkenly.

_Click._

She gritted her teeth in anger. She already had enough trouble falling asleep as it is.

What was Kakashi talking about anyways? Why was that idiot calling her in the middle of the night to talk about feelings? It's not like he cared, besides, he was drunk.. But more importantly, how did he know she still had his number? And knew his own ringtone at that? _And _aboutHayate? How on earth was he prying into her life like this?

She felt herself wake up instantly as she questioned his motives. Did he get a thrill, knowing she was the second most powerful woman on the ship? True, Tsunade would crush him, but Sakura still found the thought sick. _How dare he._ He pushes her away when she finally gets over Sasuke, then he bolts, only to humiliate her the entire time, probably laughing with his buddies, spilling all her secrets to them. Sakura felt herself starting to cry, though not from any kind of sadness.

Her eyes stung with frustration and anger as her breath came in ugly sobs. She hated crying. She hated him. She hated him with a passion and it hurt so much to watch one of her closest friends push her away to pick at her personal life. She hated Kakashi Hatake.

But some part of her couldn't bring herself to believe those words.

Sakura winced as she lay back down, feeling a familiar soreness. Her thin hand groped her warm breast. Still hurt.

…Fantastic.

"Kakashi, do you think she'll go for it?" questioned Asuma.

"I don't know, she sounded pissed," He said scratching the back of his silver head, feeling regret setting in the pit of his stomach, "Why do I let you guys talk me into your crazy ideas? I shouldn't be hanging around her anyways. Fuck."

"Watch the lingo, bub."

"Hypocrite."

"You love me," Genma said with a wink.

"Are you _sure_ you aren't gay?"

"Shut up, bastard"

Kakashi felt his face heat in rage at the word.

Asuma butted in, sucking a cigarette. He knew how much Kakashi hated being called a bastard and why. "Quit your bitchin' you two. We got a long day ahead of us."

The masked man silently thanked him. Kakashi would have probably annihilated the needle chewing idiot if Asuma hadn't snapped him from his anger. It was unusual for Kakashi to act on impulse, but the word _bastard_ just pushed things a little far for his liking.

"Yeah, but mine is going to be longer, I assume," groaned Kakashi, rubbing his forehead, feeling his anger dissipate into anxiety..

Genma looked at him questioningly, though refused to make eye-contact.

Kakashi watched his friend ask him silently what he meant.

"I need talk to Tsunade about Shikamaru. Something doesn't feel right."

"…I'll give you some of my beer if you need it."

He accepted Genmas quiet apology.

Woot! Okay, not nearly as long as the previous chapter, but I guess that's understandable right?

-sigh-

1. I have a habit of grinding my teeth :T

2. I used to have a crush on my art teacher. 3 –gasp- remind you of a similar couple?

3. I want to drink alcohol. I'm very interested in trying a daiquiri. They look mouthwatering.

4. LOL OMG I'm friends with a famous kakasaku author! HOW AWESOME IS THAT!

5. Derp. Derp.

6. I think I will be guaranteeing longer chapters C: and don't worry. I'll try to update as regularly as possible.

7. Let the plot.. unfold! Or something like that.

8. … I'm in the mood for a reeses blizzard. Buy me one? /3?

9. PERFECT WORLD! WHY WONT YOU JUST DOWNLOAD ALREADY? ARRRGH! Okay, it's probably for the best so I don't get distracted from writing anyways :/ eh.. Grr.. I want apple pie.


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